ADIEU

Standard
ADIEU

Oh how I love my Sassy Lassie! She has done it again, with another amazing piece of poetry. ❤ ❤

The Heart of Sassy Lassie

Floating by your eyes on a rainy summer’s breeze
Candy-coated incense, retro melodies
Tambourine shimmy, velvet slide guitar
Open doors, hardwood floors, funky table bar

Poppin’ on the bongos, Credence in the air
Red wine and salty crackers, a suburbia Times Square
Fingers strumming love songs, the moon shines double-time
Lyrics winding through the halls like tumbling Jasmine vine

Cheese and grapes on paper plates, watermelon squares
Beer bottles long abandoned, laughter climbs the stairs
Bodies swaying to the groove of memories awakened
Mistress Magic offers spells just begging to be taken

Floating by your eyes on a rainy summer’s breeze
Sailing through your rhapsody on a circus tent trapeze
Musicians play their love songs, the sky still midnight blue
I leave you with a lover’s kiss and bid this breeze adieu

View original post

Advertisements

The Migraine Mingle

Standard

migraines-dangerous

The mind tends to wander after laying in a dark room for hours at a time due to having a migraine. Wanna follow my wandering??

(to the tune of the Hokey Pokey)

You have the family whisper, instead of scream and shout. You have the family whisper, instead of punching their lights out. You do the migraine mingle and you turn all the lights out; that’s what it’s all about.

You put sunglasses on, to reduce the light. You put sunglasses on, even if it’s late at night. You do the migraine mingle and you turn all the lights out; that’s what it’s all about.

You put your earplugs in; you take your earplugs out; you put your earplugs in and you mush them all about. You do the migraine mingle and you turn all the lights out; that’s what it’s all about.

You get your ice pack on; you take your warm pack off; you get your ice pack on and you put it on your head. You do the migraine mingle and you turn all the lights out; that’s what it’s all about.

You take your migraine meds, and you crawl into bed. You take your migraine meds, and hope they go straight to your head. You do the migraine mingle and you turn all the lights out; that’s what it’s all about.

You lay completely still, or else you’ll be ill. You lay completely still; it’s the run of the mill. You do the migraine mingle and you turn all the lights out; that’s what it’s all about.

Do the migraine mingle! Do the migraine mingle! Do the migraine mingle and you turn all the lights out; that’s what it’s all about!!

 

Hope you enjoyed my wandering. And you’re welcome for getting the Hokey Pokey stuck in your head. 😉

 

 

Insomnia, my old friend

Standard

I miss the days when I used to be able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Ah, the good old days. The days of waking up, eating cereal, watching cartoons and playing outside all day long. You know what I’m talking about. The days you played so hard, you had no choice but to succumb to the sweetest of slumbers. 

  
My, how time and circumstances change. I’d do almost anything to be that carefree again. Now, I’m worried about what tomorrow holds. I’m scared of the bumps in the night in a way that I never thought possible. It feels as though the weight of the world is on my shoulders. All the time. That in itself should be exhausting. And in a way, it is. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming I curl up under my covers and hide from it. But I don’t really sleep. It’s a restless slumber, fraught with everything that could go wrong. I awake even more exhausted than I was before. How is that possible?

  
This journey I’m on seems never ending. The journey of self-discovery is always such, because your “self” is always changing and adapting to the here and now. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to sleep? Maybe if I try to not anticipate what the future holds and just embrace it instead things would be different. Maybe I would finally be allowed the sleep of the rested. 
It’s worth a try. Here goes nothin’.

  

Saved by the Boo

Standard

It’s been a few days since this happened, but it’s been eating me alive, so maybe if I share the story, it will stop.

It was the hubby’s birthday on Sunday. He’s normally the one who does the grocery shopping. We needed things from the store but he didn’t feel like going. So Boo and I volunteered to go for him. 

  

The store was busier than normal with people milling around everywhere, which can sometimes wreak havoc with my anxiety and panic attacks. But today, I vowed to keep all of that in check. Boo and I quickly got everything we needed and made for a checkout line. All of them were long, so I just chose one at random. There was an older woman (late 60s maybe?) that only had 3 items who had gotten in line behind me. When the line moved, I absolutely insisted she go ahead of me, as I had a cart full of things. She was very appreciative. When we were finally being rung up, the poor cashier looked like she was exhausted and needed a break. She kept making small mistakes and was getting frustrated with herself. I told her to not be so hard on herself and to take her time, even though my own anxiety was rapidly mounting, and gave her an encouraging smile. She smiled at me gratefully. 

  
Boo and I walked out to the car. I had her go ahead and get in so I wouldn’t have to worry about her getting hit by a car or something. (Side note: Yes, I know Boo is 12 now and she can watch where she’s going in a parking lot. I will always worry about that no matter how old she is.) I loaded up the trunk with the groceries and noticed the cart return guy had a load of carts to take inside. I walked over to him to offer him my cart and that’s when it happened. There were two kids (I say kids, but they were anywhere from 17 to 21), driving a blue two door too fast through the crosswalk area in front of the store. I guess they thought I was being a killjoy, standing there with my cart. The passenger leaned out the window and yelled at me, and I quote, “Get out of the way , you fat fucking bitch! We’re gonna kill you!”.

  
The next few seconds were a blur for me, as the anxiety and panic flooded my system. I have PTSD as well, so I was struggling with my “fight or flight” response. My gut reaction was to fight: to jump in my car, follow them and inflict bodily harm. I jumped in the car, had it in reverse and was just about to pursue them when Boo started telling me about all the different kinds of hot chocolate Starbucks makes (she had bought one while I was waiting in the checkout line). The sound of her sweet voice brought me back down to earth. I frantically tried to keep myself from having the worst adrenaline-induced panic attack of the century, as well as calm my fighting instincts, so I just told her that I needed a few minutes of silence. Without questioning anything, she stopped talking and grabbed hold of my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze of acknowledgement. 

  

When we got to Baskin Robbins, I told her what had happened, and explained to her how panic attacks come out of nowhere sometimes. I also told her how hard it was to deal with the “fight or flight” response and how if she hadn’t been with me, I probably would have done something stupid. So, we bought the hubby an ice cream cake for his birthday and went back home before anything else life threatening could happen. And I was, once again, saved by the Boo.

Middle School, take two

Standard

When I was a kid in middle school, all I could think about was how I was going to survive from one day to the next. Math tests, biology experiments, spelling bees, gym class and the awful locker room, finding a seat at lunch, managing to avoid the mean girls (or guys), battling all of my own emotions which are heightened tenfold due to those wonderful hormones….. I hated math then and I still hate the hell out of it now. But I graduated. And went on to be a productive member of society in the Air Force. I never wanted to go to college. I just wanted to live my life. Which was fine, up until I had my daughter. School for your child, and how you might deal with it, didn’t even cross my mind through the first few years.

When she started kindergarten, it was sad and exciting at the same time. Learning new things was so much fun and she’d come home, excited to tell/show me everything she had learned. But then, things started getting more challenging for her, and I was all too quickly out of my depth. I can learn, but I can’t teach. I don’t have the patience or mentality for it. So we skated along, with me or the hubby all but giving her the answers. She had a tutor for a while, but that didn’t seem to do any good. Knowing that she struggles so hard with math and reading is most definitely a hurdle. One I know I can’t jump for her.

We went to curriculum night at the school tonight and I now know one more stumbling block in her way is the very abrupt, in your face, abrasive math teacher. She’s a take no prisoners type of person. We already have Boo enrolled in an additional class to help with math. But we still aren’t seeing any results. Boo had math homework tonight that she literally stared at for an hour and a half, without being able to figure any of it out. She didn’t even try. She just shut down. I know the answers but I won’t give them to her which pisses her off. I want to see her try but I don’t know what will motivate her to do so. 

So for now, we’ve talked to the school counselor and have her set up for even more math assistance during some free time between classes. And we’ve moved her bedtime back from 9:30 to 8:30. I don’t know what else to do. But I sure as hell never envisioned having to go through middle school for the second time around. Because this really sucks. I hated it the first time for reasons I’ve already stated. I’m hating it now because I don’t want to fail my daughter. I don’t want her to fail herself. And I feel like some really shitty times are coming, if they’re not already here.

Pray for all of us because this sucks. Bad.

Kids and love

Standard

Having kids changes the way you look at love. And that’s a good thing.

b4d25ebf257cce7cebaa4da4bd996983

Before I had my daughter, I often times felt less than, not good enough and unworthy of love. Since she’s been in my life, I know now those were lies I told myself, and believed, because it was the easy thing to do. It’s hard to own up to mistakes made and live with the consequences. Even now, when the darkness threatens to overwhelm me, my daughter stands at the end of that tunnel of despair and self-loathing, little arms outstretched, showing me the only way out is through love. I used to think it was the love I have for her that would pull me back from the brink. But it wasn’t that at all. It was, and is, the love she has for me. Even when I’m not a very lovable person and might have been too hard on her, she keeps on loving me.

il_570xN.603752230_85mo

Watching how she loves, with complete abandon and her whole heart, always amazes me and makes me realize how much I still have left to learn about love. Whether it’s her best friend, an animal that crosses her path, the way the waves chase her on the beach, or the love of her own laughter, she’s constantly reminding me what pure love is.

And since I’m sure we could all use a little reminder, let’s take a closer look at love through the eyes of a 12 year old.

sle-love-is-heart
Love is playing your viola with your bedroom window open, making the neighbor lady across the street so very happy that she can hear you, as it relaxes her.

Love is smiling at every baby you see, because they are so brand new to this big, sometimes scary, world and babies need to know not everyone is annoyed if they’re crying.

Love is blowing the biggest bubble you can with bubble gum and not minding if some of it gets stuck to your face or in your hair.

Love is dealing with your step-dads’ crankiness by climbing into his lap to just “be” with him, even though he’s not a super touchy-feely-warm-cuddly person, to let him feel your love without saying a word, and rubbing his head because it’s soft and fuzzy.

Love is laughing so hard your stomach hurts but then laughing some more just for good measure.

Love is about being patient with your Mimi (grandma) when she’s asked you the same question a million times but doesn’t realize she’s done so.

Love is doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you and you couldn’t care less because it’s not why you did it in the first place.

Love is climbing the stairs to get one more thing your mom forgot to ask you to bring down the last time you were upstairs and not getting upset about it.

Love is standing up for others when they are being picked on for no reason even if it makes you a target too.

Love is being able to go with the flow and realizing things don’t always turn out how you thought, but always how they’re meant to.

Sometimes, love is just being in the same room with your mom, who is desperately trying to hold it all together and not let you see her cry, but hugging her and telling her to just let it all out, without needing to know why she is so sad.

il_570xN.730231088_2xzp

Love is finding joy in the littlest of things like when you see the first fuzzy caterpillar of the season and you name him Bob.

Love is being thankful for all you have and realizing how truly blessed you are to live the life you lead.

Love is being responsible enough to get yourself up, pack your own lunch, get ready for school, make your mom her morning cup of coffee complete with an “I love you” note and make it to the bus stop on time, all while letting your normally awake-at-the-crack-of-dawn parents sleep in because they forgot to set their alarm.

Love is doing what’s right even if no one is looking.

images
So yes, I still have so much to learn. But at least I’ll be learning from a pro! And she’ll be holding my hand every step of the way.

The Medicine Monster

Standard

Definition of a Medicine Monster: a normally happy and docile child turned into someone you don’t recognize, complete with crazy eyes, claws and fangs, because they are required to take medicine.

Have any of y’all ever experienced a Medicine Monster?

I have. Several times. I’m amazed I’ve lived to tell the tale.

copil1

Boo came home from school yesterday feeling crappy. No fever, thank God, but the stuffy nose, itchy eyes, body aches, cough and sore throat were all in attendance.

When it came time for bed, we tried to get her to take a NyQuil liquid gel. Being that she just turned 12, and has now been able to take an Aleve tablet for several months, I had hoped the Medicine Monster might have been laid to rest. I was wrong. She claimed that because she could only breathe through her mouth, she didn’t think she was gonna be able to swallow it (here come the claws). And it was too big, she said (her eyes are getting that crazy look). I told her to try anyway. Into the bathroom she goes, holds the liquid gel and a glass of water for a few minutes, psyching herself out. She puts the pill in her mouth and, after a count-to-3 countdown (almost like the countdown timer on a bomb), tries to swallow it. And then the panic ensues (the fangs have come out). She claims it got stuck in her throat and she had to make herself throw up because she couldn’t breathe. I was a little frustrated with her, but I tried hard not to show it. She ended up taking children’s cold and cough syrup, which again induced a countdown, and the choking and the spitting after she had swallowed it down to attempt to get the grape flavor out of her mouth. And finally, the Medicine Monster started to recede into the darkness of the night.

Why is giving a child medicine so difficult? I don’t understand. Everybody knows medicine tastes like ass, but FEELING like ass is WORSE, therefore, you take the medicine. And yes, I understand she’s only 12. But it doesn’t stop my frustrations.

And today was even worse than last night!

We went to the store to get some medicine. I was going to buy the DayQuil/NyQuil tablets, but she insisted she wouldn’t be able swallow them. So I bought the DayQuil/NyQuil liquid. She was gonna hate the hell out of it, but I assumed she’d get through it like she had with the children’s liquid medicine. We made our way out to the car and I poured her a dose of the medication. I also opened the bottle of water I knew she was going to need for the after experience.

Once she smelt the medicine, the Medicine Monster was there, in full effect. She psyched herself out, did her countdown and took a teeny sip, which she threatened to spit out, but finally swallowed. The shudders of disgust wracked her tiny body. And I was sitting there telling her if she just did it as fast as possible, it would be over and then she could drink all the water she wanted and even spit outside the car a few times. She took another sip….and promptly spewed the medicine all over herself and the interior of my car. In the very first parking space of the store, closest to the door. Oh, did I mention the entire outfit she chose to wear today was white? And that she made herself throw up in her lap??

The Medicine Monster was about to meet the Mommy Monster.

I got out of the car, grabbed the box of newly purchased Kleenex and told her to get out of the car if she was gonna keep acting crazy. I tried wiping up the seat the best that I could, but she was gonna be sitting in some of her own grossness on the ride home. I took her shirt and jacket (she was wearing another shirt underneath all that) and put them in one of the reusable grocery bags, along with all the nasty tissues and wet wipes from our now sticky DayQuil and slimy puke covered hands.

My momma raised me to not say anything at all if you didn’t have anything nice to say, and I replayed that like a mantra in my head all the way home.

download

I stain treated her now bright orange shirt and pants and went back outside to clean the puke smell out of my car while she changed her clothes. She tried to say she was sorry for what had happened and started making her normal excuses: the taste was awful, it was too thick, she was afraid she was gonna choke, she couldn’t breathe, etc. I’ve heard them all a million times over the years. I took a deep breath and tried to explain to her that the time for the Medicine Monster had run out. It was time for her to woman up. She needed to take any and all medication she was told to take because it was going to make her feel better. I was honest with her and told her that no one likes taking medicine. It tastes like crap and no one likes the taste of it. But as adults, we do what we need to do and get on with our lives.

That’s when the Mom Guilt Monster made her debut. <sigh>

Mom_guilt

I know I might have been a little too hard on her, but at the same time, enough was enough. So we went BACK to the store and got the DayQuil/NyQuil tablets. And I broke the DayQuil tablets in half. And she took them. With no complaints. Or forced vomiting.

She didn’t cheer at her game today. She didn’t attend her best friends’ birthday party/sleepover. We dropped off her best friends’ gift and returned home, to attempt eating something and take a nap.

She just took her second dose (NyQuil caplets) with no problems.

And tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully with no Medicine Monster, Mommy Monster or Mom Guilt Monster in sight.

Tired of waiting to make my dream trip come true

Standard

I’ve got a yearning deep down in my soul to travel to Italy. Not just any old trip; a trip of a lifetime trip. I found the exact one I want to go on: it has EVERYTHING I’ve been dreaming of for Lord knows how long!

Here is the itinerary:

Day1
Overnight Flight

Ciao, Italy!

Day2
Rome, Italy – Tour Begins

Arrive in Rome and join your fellow travelers for a special welcome dinner featuring regional delicacies and Italian wines.

Day3
Rome – Classical Rome City Tour

A locally-guided tour of Classical Rome features such sights as the Piazza Venezia, the Roman Forum, the Circus Maximus and the Arch of Constantine. During an in-depth visit to the Colosseum, your guide recounts its rich history. The catacombs, burial place of early Christians, the mythic Pantheon and Piazza Navona are also featured.

Day4
Rome

Enjoy a full day at leisure to explore Rome’s cultural treasures independently. Your tour manager will be on hand to offer suggestions. Perhaps a trip to Vatican City, with an optional tour to the Vatican Museums and St. Peter’s Basilica, will be on your personal sightseeing list.

Day5
Rome – Pompeii – Sorrento Coast

After a short lesson on the local language, journey south toward the brilliant Bay of Naples where charming villages are built into hillsides above a sparkling blue sea. Soak in 2,000 years of history during your discovery of the excavated ruins of Pompeii. A local guide provides an in-depth view of this remarkably preserved archaeological site. Continue to the scenic resort town of Sorrento and take some time to explore the city independently. End your day on the breathtaking Sorrento Coast.

Day6
Sorrento Coast – Isle of Capri – Sorrento Coast

A scenic boat ride* brings you to the enchanting Isle of Capri. Upon arrival, take a panoramic ride to the island’s highest town, Anacapri. Spend time in Capri town with its world-famous piazzetta and explore this island paradise of chic boutiques, lush vegetation and outdoor cafés before returning to the Sorrento Coast.

Day7
Sorrento Coast – Florence

Today Tuscany unfolds with its panorama of vineyards and olive groves. Florence, the “Cradle of the Italian Renaissance,” awaits and offers Italy’s best art and architecture. Visit the Academy Gallery to see Michelangelo’s magnificent sculpture of David. This evening, it’s Diner’s Choice…tonight your dinner is included and you’ll choose the perfect spot from a “menu” of Florence’s great restaurants.

Day8
Florence

A locally-guided tour highlights the Piazza del Duomo, with its Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore, and the famous Gates of Paradise on the Baptistery of St. John. You also view the magnificent Piazza della Signoria with its imposing Palazzo Vecchio.

Day9
Florence – Pisa – Venice

Visit the ancient maritime Republic of Pisa to discover the Piazza Dei Miracoli, the Duomo (Cathedral) and the famous Leaning Tower. A special stop is made at a Tuscan winery and farm to enjoy lunch and sample local wines and specialties. Next, cross the Apennine Mountains en route to Venice where 117 islands are connected by a latticework of 150 canals and 400 bridges.

Day10
Venice – Murano Island – Venice

Embark on a boat trip* (weather permitting) to Murano Island for a glass-blowing demonstration. Return to St. Mark’s Square where a local expert takes you on a walking tour of the Basilica, Doge’s Palace and the legendary Bridge of Sighs. The remainder of the day is at leisure to explore independently.

Day11
Venice – Verona – Stresa

Depart Venice for Verona to stroll the streets that were the backdrop for Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Arrive in the resort town of Stresa in the breathtaking Italian Lakes District, your home for the next two nights, and admire the beautiful views of Lago Maggiore.

Day12
Stresa – Locarno, Switzerland – Isola dei Pescatori, Italy – Stresa

Today, cross into Switzerland and the picturesque lakeside resort of Locarno for magnificent views, excellent shopping and charming cafés. Tonight we travel by boat to Isola dei Pescatori for a farewell dinner while surrounded by beautiful scenery.

Day13
Stresa – Tour Ends
  • Breakfast

Doesn’t it sound amazing?? <dreamy sigh>

Is it cheap? HELL NO! It’s about $3600 (depending when you go) for the 13 day, fully guided tour through several different, amazing places of historical significance. It includes some of your meals, but not all, which is fine with me. It also includes admission to all the sightseeing stuff. And no, airfare is not included. So I’d have to figure on another $1800-2000 in airfare alone.

Something you need to understand about me: I’m an Aries which makes me as stubborn as a damn mule. I’m pretty unrelenting when I know what I want and I fight with every ounce of my being to attain it. And I’ve wanted this for so long I just can’t even tell you. I thought my bestie and I could do it together, but she is always so busy and can’t take two weeks off of work to do this. Plus, she honestly doesn’t know WHAT will be going on in her life a year from now (which is when I’m hoping to do the trip of my dreams). So that makes it hard. The hubby WON’T go with me, for reasons I’m really not gonna get into right now. So that leaves me….going by myself. Which I initially thought would be so lonely. But now I’m not so sure. I’m starting to get a little more comfortable in my own skin, and I could definitely do the the tour I have been salivating over for months. I’ve been saving for this trip for two years and only have a little over $1000 saved, but I’d have a whole other year to keep saving. And thanks to credit cards, I could purchase both the tour and airline tickets myself and pay them off when I got back. Easy peasy. This is sounding better and better to me all the time.

Here’s where y’all come in: do you see any other options I might be missing? Do you have any advice for this woman with wanderlust?? I’m open to suggestions and ideas.

If you’re lucky enough to have one good friend, you’re lucky enough

Standard

11150673_480811948733669_6456518801350608346_n

The past week in Hawaii was great, but coming home to a visit from the bestie for the weekend was the icing on the cake.

She is the jelly to my peanut butter. The strawberry to my champagne. The wine to my cheese. The alfredo to my fettuccine. The chocolate chip to my cookie. You get the idea, right?

We’ve been friends since 1998 when we were roommates while stationed in South Korea. We’ve been through pretty much everything together; weddings, divorces, births, deaths, sicknesses, health, traveling, staying put….  She is always the first person I call when I need to laugh, need to cry, need a recipe or need advice. She helps me see things from a completely different angle; one I didn’t even know existed. She keeps me grounded, yet gives me wings. She always tells me the truth, even if it hurts. Especially when it hurts. She always loves me and never judges me. My bestie loves me for me, without any expectations or strings attached, in all my flawed glory.

Because of her, I know what true love is. I couldn’t be more blessed.

#friendshiprevolution  #stopthehate  #chooselove

Puking, fish bites and sunburns, OH MY: My 39th birthday

Standard

While on vacation with my family in Maui, I celebrated my 39th birthday. I had pretty high hopes for the day, considering we were going on a 6 hour snorkeling excursion. Of course the fact I had only been snorkeling once in my life, and not from a boat, I might add, should have crossed my mind at some point. But it didn’t. The only thing I was nervous about was the fact that I tend to get motion sick extremely easily. But I was willing to give it a try.

I woke up to my alarm at 5:30, ready for a day of adventure. Made a pot of coffee and went to double check the paperwork to see what all we needed to bring with us….only to find out we had looked at the wrong address and the place we actually needed to be was at least 45 minutes away. We rushed out the door and booked it to the location, which was not as easy to find as we had hoped. All that aside, we got in line, filled out our “if we die, we won’t sue you” waivers and boarded the boat. It was a beautiful catamaran named the Quicksilver.our catamaran the quicksilver

The crew was awesome. In fact, one of the crew was celebrating her 18th birthday that day as well. Small world!

our crew

Anyway, we headed out to open sea, and I was waiting for the familiar nausea to hit me. But it really wasn’t that bad. Until we were about 5 minutes out from our first destination: the Molokini Crater. The weather in Maui this week has been unusually windy, causing lots of choppy water and bigger swells than normal. That being said, my stomach was quite literally in my throat upon our arrival, but I managed to hold it together. The hubby told me if I got in the water, it would probably help me feel better. He gave me a quick rundown of how to put on my snorkeling equipment and that was that. I really didn’t think it would be all that hard to figure out. And for a normal person with normal coordination, it probably isn’t. But for me? Well….I’m not normal.

Boo and I took the plunge together, which I immediately realized was a horrible mistake. How in the hell was I supposed to help my 11 year old daughter not be freaked out by her first time actually swimming in the ocean when I was snorting and gasping for breath like a boston terrier in need of a CPAP machine? And the more I struggled to breathe, the more panicked I got. The more panicked I got, the more freaked out Boo got. The more freaked out Boo got, the harder she clung to me and the quicker we sank. Thank the Gods the hubby had jumped in right behind us, because he was able to grab Boo and haul her back to the boat. In the meantime, I flailed around and tried like hell to figure out how to snorkel. Took me about 20 minutes, but I figured it out. It was so beautiful, with all the colorful fish, coral and sea urchins! And quiet!OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

All of a sudden, the earlier nausea and panic, along with a bunch of salt water, quite literally flooded my system and I was puking….right there….in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Remember those colorful fish? They swarmed around me like hungry piranhas, literally biting the crap outta me.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Which induced my second panic attack of the day (I swear I heard the Jaws music playing in my head), followed by screaming and flailing around, trying to get the damn fish to stop looking at me like a middle school lunch lady. I swam like mad to get back to the boat because I was DONE. Done, I tell you!

Got on board and continued to feed the fish (puke my guts out). Which was rather unfortunate for a little girl who just about jumped off the side of the boat INTO my vomit. She caught herself JUST IN TIME. Phew! Crisis averted! And nature’s freakin’ janitors were right there to clean up the evidence. Awesome.

The ride to the next location was okay. I was only enticed back into the water because my stomach felt pretty good at the moment and I wanted to have another go at it. Plus, this area was sea turtle territory and how cool would THAT be? Got in the water and adjusted much more quickly this time. Wasn’t out very long before the motion started turning my guts AGAIN, so I swam like a crazed maniac back to the boat, pushing past an old woman in my haste. I WOULD NOT BE ATTACKED BY THOSE DAMN FISH AGAIN!! Got on the boat. Puked again. <sigh> Damn my stubbornness!! Why the hell didn’t I just stay on the boat??

It was at this point I realized I hadn’t applied any sunscreen since the morning and decided to reapply. I forgot the sunscreen had alcohol in it and it actually burned on my face, so I knew I was burnt. GREAT! Now, I was basically praying for the last two hours of our pleasure cruise to be over. The smells of diesel and pulled pork sandwiches were making my stomach flip and flop and it took every ounce of my being to NOT give the fish another hot lunch.

When we pulled in to the dock, I had never been so happy to be on dry land in my life! It will be a long time, IF EVER, before I get back on another boat. <shudder> Don’t get me wrong: I’m glad we took a chance and tried something new and exciting. I don’t regret doing it. AT ALL. Well, except the fish attack, that is. Puking in front of strangers wasn’t nearly as mortifying as I thought it was gonna be either. And it really was beautiful out there.

On the drive home, we stopped at a local eatery and bought little mini pies (Boo & the hubby both got chocolate pie with macadamia nuts, my step-daughter got an apple crumb pie and I got coconut cream). There was a fresh produce stand too and I bought two mangoes. The day was looking up!

IMG_4881

We got back to the condo, stripped out of our swimsuits and wet clothes, threw them in the washing machine and everyone jumped in a shower to rid themselves of the remaining vestiges of salt. It was then I noticed the bites. FOUR OF THEM. Nice. Stupid asshole fish!

main fish bite

The hubby had made me a light bite to eat, while the girls scarfed down their pies like they’d never seen food before. We just hung out, all sunburned, trying to decide if we were hungry enough to go out to dinner. We decided we WERE hungry, but didn’t want to leave the condo, so we ordered Chinese food to be delivered. And it was delicious. All the exertions of the day, good food and a ginormous glass of wine had me in bed and asleep by 9:30.

So as you can see, I don’t do anything by halves! I can hardly wait to see what my 40th (next year) will have in store. Any way you look at it, this year is gonna be hard to beat.